my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
