I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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