a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
