He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
