went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
