no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize