I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They took my balls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize