so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
