so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
