I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
