pop tarts are not kleenex
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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