Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize