Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
