She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
