Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
