Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
