do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
