masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
