I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
