I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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