he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
