i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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