The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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