k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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