i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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