we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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