i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
