his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
