Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
