my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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