Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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