Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
