seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
