my phone needs a breathalizer
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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