A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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