I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
