She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize