I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
