Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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