Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
