watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize