Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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