Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
