I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize