I can't breathe out the right side of my face
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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