Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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