just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize