Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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