I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
