I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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