Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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