Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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