There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
