my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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