I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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