I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
