I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
