i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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