He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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