windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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