I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
