can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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