the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
