i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
