It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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