dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
