I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
