So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
two words: eviction party
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
