there was a trapeze. enough said
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
