is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
