The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
