I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
