Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
