you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
