but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
