Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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