I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
