Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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