i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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