this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
