I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i out mim tonsoeep
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