If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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