You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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