Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize