Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
