I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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