how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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