I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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