Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
