Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
